eto chaoa niye kotha jai?

Dear Kolkata, 

I hope this letter finds you bathed in the soft glow of twilight, the hum of life pulsating through your streets and the fragrance of fresh phuchkaas mingled with the smoke of strong Charminar tucked in the lips of the few people who claim themselves to be extremely intellectual. It’s been a while since I last walked along your bustling avenues and narrow bylanes, but the memories of your warmth, vibrancy and resilience are, and shall always be etched deeply in my heart. 

People might give you a thousand names like the City of Joy, City of Palaces and whatnot. To me, you’re City of Hope, just as much as you are to me a City of Disappointment. Just as a stereotyped loyal husband, I dislike every bit of you, just as much as I love you and want to be with you. This brief (or so I hope it to be) parting of my heart and my soul is, in actuality, taking a serious toll on me, giving me nightmares throughout the night, asking me not once, nor twice but a few million times whether what I love would indeed be mine, or will I have to, even in this thousandth rebirth of mine sacrifice my happiness for the sake of something “bigger”, to which my conditions have already made me used to. 

I’m used to sacrifices; I’m used to the hate. I’m used to the nuisance and I’m used to my fate… I’m used to everything being out of my hands, be it the neighbouring shores or be it the distant lands. Fled away from home, my asylum of growth, I see scars of hope whenever I unclothe.  If this is the case better, be it not. But at the end of the day, it is what it is, or maybe it’ll be too late someday to better have done rather than thought. 

In your lap, I find solace, I find inspiration. 

I am no one to write this letter but this is how love works according to me, the less someone is exposed to something, the more the longing and the more the want. Or is that lust? 

As I pen down these words, someone is preparing really hard to replace my position in your place. I hope love rolls down the cheek someday just like sadness brought a huge smile while leaving you. Though miles apart, you remain close to my heart, a constant reminder of joy, resilience and love.

With deepest affection and gratitude, 

Another coward, madly in love.